Forget Me Not
by Tauna Petit-Strawn
Summary: A what if I got off Love Me Not. Instead of getting on the stagecoach, Joan disappears in the middle of the night. Ben is riddled with guilt. Will the Cartwrights ever see her again? Yeah, I still do horrible at summaries. Genre, title and rating always subject to change. Angst probably should be a genre too.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a "what if" that started screaming at me while I was watching a bit of **_Love Me Not _again**. Since it is speaking loud enough, it gets written. The words in italics come right from the episode.**

**Forget Me Not**

**Chapter One**

Ben stood on the porch watching Hoss and Little Joe play a game of horseshoe. He was supposed to be doing some paperwork, only Ben had found himself unable to concentrate. Instead he'd found his mind wandering and heard himself sighing. He couldn't help it. He kept thinking about Joan, the young woman the Paiute Indian Chief had given him as a gift. He accepted her only because doing otherwise would have meant her death. It hadn't gone well until he'd let her go and she'd come back of her own free will. Well, it had until she'd fallen in love with him….

_"Two worlds," Joan let out a small gasp as she spoke and then with bitterness in her voice she continued, "I have no world!" her words came in small bursts of tears, "Y-you destroyed the world of the Indian for me, and now you've d..destroyed your world for me too!" She'd fled past Ben leaving pain shooting through hid heart as she did so. He hadn't wanted to hurt her; he'd only wanted to help._

"Pa?" Adam, who had walked out the front door and up to his father, looked at his father in concern. From the look on his father's face he just knew the man was thinking about Joan again. If only they knew where she was, Adam would go fetch her, give her a piece of his mind and bring her back just so the two could make peace with each other. Only problem was, no one knew where she was at.

**FLASHBACK**

Ben, Adam and Little Joe stared at Hoss in disbelief. He had just come downstairs and he was holding the dress that Joan had been wearing the night before. "She's gone, pa. The dress she was wearing when she came here is gone as are her moccasins. She's gone back to the Paiute."

Ben walked over to the window near his desk and looked out. He didn't know why, but he knew that wasn't the case. He had to find her, if for no other reason than to know she was okay. Any thought of explaining what he intended to do to his sons disappeared when Adam spoke up from behind him.

"We should ride out to the Paiute camp and make sure she got there okay. If she's not there, we should at least look for her." Adam felt they had to do that much. After all, somewhere along the line he had started thinking of Joan as the sister he'd never had. His brothers felt the same way. He knew that because they'd told him that more than once during the time she'd been living with them.

Ben turned around and walked out the door saying nothing. Adam and his brothers felt terrible for their father, but knew of nothing else to do but follow him out the door. It didn't take long for the four to saddle their horses and make their way through the trees, around boulders, and up the path that led to the camp of their Indian friends.

"She is not here." The chief's eyes and voice filled with concern. He had not hated the white woman called Joan; he wished her no harm. He had simply wanted his son to marry within his race. Then out of curiosity, he asked, "Why you wish to find her, if she does not wish to live with the white man?"

Ben didn't answer for a moment, as he looked around the camp. Somehow, thinking of how well Joan had seemed to adjust to the world of the white man, he again found himself envious of whatever man should catch Joan's eyes. Finally he answered, "I just wish to talk to her."

The chief nodded and replied, "My people will help you search for her."

**END OF FLASHBACK**

"Pa?" Adam repeated himself as he took a step closer to his father. It hurt him to see the tormented look in his father's eyes. He knew the man was blaming himself for Joan's disappearance, but what could they do about it now? They searched for her for two weeks; their Indian friends had promised to keep their eyes wide open. But, after a whole year had passed, Adam doubted they'd ever find out what had happened to the young woman.

Ben turned and looked at Adam. He gave him the best smile he could, not easy to do as he kept seeing Joan crying and hearing the pain in her voice as she spoke. The guilt in his heart didn't help either. "Things are pretty slow around here right now. I'm going to go spend some time by the lake." He wasn't surprised when Adam stiffened, nor was he shocked by the words that came out of his son's mouth.

"Pa, you only did what you had to do! You didn't force her to flee in the middle of the night!" Adam's face showed the frustration he felt inside. "Why don't you just let it go!"

"Let what go?" Hoss asked as he walked up to his father and older brother; he'd lost the game of horseshoe to his younger brother and had decided to find out what was rustling his older brother's feathers.

Before Adam could answer, Ben stepped around his oldest and headed for the door. "I'm leaving you in charge, Adam. Don't worry about me."

Hoss frowned as his father disappeared into the house. He didn't know why, but all of a sudden the light went on for him and he looked at Adam. "Joan?"

Adam nodded as Little Joe, who had put away the horseshoes, walked up. "I wish something would happen to give him some peace of mind. None of it was his fault. All he did was his best to give her a future. It's not his fault she didn't take it!"

Silence fell among the three brothers. Hoss and Little Joe knew Adam was right, but didn't know what to say or do to get their father to see it. As for Adam, he was just as much at a loss as his brothers were. It was all so frustrating. If only she had been at the Paiute camp, they wouldn't be dealing with a father who was being all consumed by guilt for simply doing the best he could in a tough situation.


	2. Chapter Two

**Forget Me Not **

**Chapter Two**

Ben's sons watched as their father tied Buck to the back of the wagon and threw the last of his supplies into the tray. Each one of them had done his best to convince their father to 'just let it go' and stay home, and not one of them had been surprised when he'd flat out refused to do so. In all honesty, they hadn't really expected him to listen to them; they'd just hoped he would.

"Take care of yourself, Pa." Adam stepped away from the porch once his father was up in the seat. His eyes were full of concern. Hoss and Little Joe's eyes held the same look in them, though they said not a word.

Ben knew his sons meant well, and he loved them all the more for it. A part of him wished he could do as they had asked and simply forget about Joan, but he couldn't. Then again, over the past year, he'd never really had any time to himself either. It was that need; the need to really be alone, that drove him to stand his ground. He had to have the time by the lake, by himself. "Don't worry 'bout me. I'll be home on Friday." Ben gave his sons the most comforting smile he could, considering how he felt, and then drove away from the house.

"Still don't think he should have gone off by himself." Little Joe said as Ben disappeared out of sight. Out of all the Cartwright boys, he'd been the loudest in his objection to his father's plans.

"None of us do, Joe." Hoss shrugged his shoulders and slid his huge hands into his pants pocket as he stepped off the brown dirt beneath his feet and onto the house porch. "But, iff'n it gives Pa what he needs to git past this, then I reckon we oughtta accept it."

"Hoss is right." Adam turned around and headed for the front door. "We aren't going to help Pa if we just stand around worrying about him. He's a full grown man who can take care of himself. Now, let's get to work. We don't need Pa getting home and finding nothing done." Not that Adam really thought his brothers needed to be reminded of that. No, he was simply doing as he'd always done, taking charge when their father was away.

Hoss and Little Joe looked at each other, sighed and then went about doing their various chores. What else could they do? It wasn't like sitting around and doing nothing was going to change anything. Besides, they knew Adam was right and they really didn't want him getting ornery on them.

From where Adam stood, he could see his brothers going back to work. How he wished it was possible to walk right back outside, get Hoss and Joe, saddle up their horses and join their father. He couldn't shake the feeling that something was going to happen on his trip. He'd tried to tell his father that, but it hadn't worked.

_"What are you so worried about son?" Ben stood with his hands on his hips and gave his son a look that said 'I'm listening, but it better be good'._

A soft, half amused chuckle escaped Adam's lips. He remembered how he'd backed off and went back to work, telling himself that his father was only going to be gone a couple of days and they all knew where he was going to be. Why had he thought to change his father's mind? Would he, Adam, have listened if the shoe was on the other foot? It was a question Adam didn't need to think about. He knew he'd done the same as his father.

~oOo~

While his sons were keeping busy around the ranch, Ben continued riding towards the lake. The day that surrounded him was a beautiful one. The sun was shining and birds were flying, or singing and the mild breeze rustled the long grass around the meadow. The light breeze blew through the trees and over the Ponderosa giving the majority of the land's occupants a warm, peaceful feeling. Alas, Ben was not one of them. No, his mind was too much on Joan to enjoy the beauty around him at the moment.

Ben had tried time and time again to let go of the guilt he knew was eating away at him. His head knew he had done his best for the young woman, and that it had not been him that had driven her way in the middle of the night. The only problem was his heart didn't know it. His heart kept wondering if he had just faced her with the truth from the moment she told him she loved him, things would have been better. After all; his silence afterwards had given her idea time to really take root in Joan's mind. At least, that's what his heart told him.

By high noon, Ben had the wagon parked underneath some trees; Buck tied to one of its branches, and was sitting on a boulder that over looked the sparkling, blue body of water of the lake before him. He titled his head up ever so slightly as another breeze blew across his face. It was as if it was doing its best to give him the peace he was seeking. After a few moments, he slid off the rock and began setting up camp. He might only be staying a few days, but he wasn't going to spend the whole time miserably sitting on a rock either.

As he finished setting up his tent, Ben felt as if someone was watching him. He quickly looked up, but saw no one. Still having the feeling, he stood up and looked all around him, yet he saw no one. He didn't like it. Who would be out here, and why would they be watching him? Only when the feeling passed did Ben go back to what he'd been doing.

His mind again wandered back through time. He couldn't help but chuckle as he remembered seeing a shoe land in front, and then looking up to see Joan standing by her bedroom window holding up the other shoe he'd bought. She'd started yelling. _"Expect me to get stinkin' thing on feet!" She'd then rambled on in Paiute, spit and disappeared back inside._

Ben had dealt with her attitude and the major upheaval in her life as best he knew how; firm guidance, clear expectations and a gentle persuasion and tutelage, offering encouragement and compliments at her progress. After her change of attitude, Ben had held high hopes that she'd find a place in the white world; he'd just never dreamed she'd come to the conclusion it should be with him. He felt it was just the young woman finally having the family and parent that she must have longed for and that her declaration of love was nothing more than a crush. However, now he wondered not just about Joan's feelings towards him, but his true feelings towards her.

By the time his thoughts had slowed down, Ben had a fire pit with rocks surrounding it. He began building a fire as the air was starting to cool off just enough to warrant building one. Only when he heard footsteps did he look. When he did, shock quickly spread all over his face.


	3. Prisoner and Who's There

**Forget Me Not **

**Chapter Three**

As the sun came up, Ben found himself tied to the wheel of his wagon while the three gentlemen whose appearance had shocked him sat around the fire pit discussing their plans to ransom Ben and then head for Mexico; all three men were former ranch hands who had once worked for Ben. All three had been fired because they weren't doing their jobs, and they'd caused nothing but trouble for the other men on the ranch.

"I tell you, Adam won't go for it!" Trace, the blonde haired gentleman who had worked for Ben, stood up and yelled. "Oh, I'm sure he'll deliver any amount of money to get his Pa back, but he'll have some trick up his sleeve too!" He stood up and walked over to Ben, took a hold of his hair and tilted Ben's head backwards. Ben forced himself to keep a calm look upon his face, as the man pulled out a knife and held it at Ben's throat. "I say we…" he never finished his sentence when all of a sudden his eyes widened in shock before he stiffened and then fell down; dead!

Mark Sanders and James Kendall, his brown headed companions jumped to their feet and flew behind a nearby boulder, while Ben's eyes continued to track the arrow in the dead man's back to the direction it would have come from. Which of his Paiute friends was watching them? Which one had assumed the young man meant to kill him, which he most likely did, and then so efficiently killed him?

Neither Mark nor James liked like this. Someone was watching them, but they could see no one. They waited almost five minutes before they ventured out from behind the boulder. Mark and James didn't know who had been out there, but they meant to get Mr. Cartwright and take him someplace else! Once the ropes were off him, Mark forced Ben to his feet. "Let's get going," He ordered and pushed Ben roughly forward, causing him to stumble just a little. Still, Ben managed to keep from falling.

Mark, who had untied Buck before mounting his own horse, was still holding Buck's reigns as James forced Ben up into the saddle after securing Ben's hands behind his back once more. "I know of a shack a few miles up the road."

James, considered of the leader of the now diminished trio, looked at Mark and nodded towards their prisoner as he said, "We can take him there and then I'll go leave a small, but loud, message for his sons."

The way James' mouth twitched and his eerie laugh filled the air made the hair on Ben's arms and neck stand straight up, but he showed no signs of it. No, Ben might not know who had killed the third man, but he knew who would kill him if he rocked the boat.

As they traveled through the trees and towards the shack, Ben got the same feeling he had when he'd set up camp. Someone was keeping an eye on him. Since it was now obvious as to who had been watching him when he first arrived at the lake; the kidnappers, Ben was still left to pondering. They were, it seemed, not the only ones. Who was watching over him and why they didn't make themselves known. If it weren't for the arrow in the dead man's back, Ben might have thought it was a white man watching out for him. Then again, if it was a Paiute, why hadn't they shot the others when they had a chance? Of course, these other two hadn't made a movement to kill him either.

Ben wasn't the only one to feel the presence of an unseen party. Mark was getting quite agitated because he could see no one, but he couldn't stop feeling as if someone had them underneath one of his cousin's microscopes. It was almost too much for him. A part of him wanted to give up on the idea and hightail it off the Ponderosa. As it was, the majority of him was just too scared to, knowing James was sure to blow a cork and do something drastic, should he try deserting him.

"Are all your sons home?" James asked as he ducked to meet a branch of a tree that was sticking out a bit too far.

It made Ben sick to think of what might happen to any of his sons because of these men. He just wished there was a way to let them know what was going on. "As far as I know they are." Ben answered with no emotion on his face or in his voice. He would not give the man the satisfaction of knowing how worried he was for his sons' lives. That is, if either of these men went to his home.

When they heard a twig snap off to their left, James and Mark whipped their pistols out and cocked them. When a single jackrabbit appeared and then disappeared, Ben had to hold in a laugh. The last thing he wanted to do was to antagonize these men. After all, they seemed to be a bit too jumpy for his liking.

"A stupid rabbit!" Mark slid his pistol back into its holster while James kept his out a few seconds longer. Only when he became convinced it had indeed only been the rabbit did he put his gun away.

They continued their journey and soon they were in front of the shack. It had three windows and unbeknown to them, two doors; the front, one they could see, and another in the back, hidden from view.

"You take Mr. Cartwright here into the shack." James said once they had Ben off the horse. "I'm going to go deliver our message. That is, leave it where there's no chance of his sons missing it." He mounted his horse again and rode off before Mark could object. Since he was still feeling like someone was watching them, he was still out of sorts.

"Come one." Mark pushed Ben towards the shack and then in through the door. The main room had two cots, a pot belly stove, a few shelves with a tall dresser of to their left, facing them. Mark again pushed Ben, this time it was towards one of the chairs.

"You don't have to push me." Ben said he again managed to keep himself from falling. He spoke evenly, but made sure there was no offensive tone in his voice. If this man took offense, Ben was going to make sure it wasn't justified.

Mark waited until Ben sat down to secure him to the chair, before he walked over to the window situated on the south side of the shack. He wanted to see if he could see who it was that watching them. Just as he reached the window, he got the shock of his life when he felt something hit him from behind. Mark fell to the floor unconscious.


	4. Running

**Forget Me Not **

**Chapter Four**

The wind blew something fierce and rain began to fall lightly as Ben pushed Buck forward, still in shock over what had taken place not thirty minutes before. His mind ran the events over in his mind once more.

_Mark had just reached the window when through the front door stepped Joan. In her hand was a good sized rock. One second she was looking at Ben with her finger to her lips; the next she was throwing the rock. The moment Mark hit the floor, she ran over to where Ben sat, pulled a knife out from a sheath she wore on her side, cut his ropes and then they both hurried to tie Mark to the leg of one of the cots. Afterwards, she'd taken the man's bandana and used it to gag his mouth. She said that way he wouldn't attract any attention until his friend got back._

_ "Come." She'd stood up, slid the knife back into its sheath and motioned him to follow her. _

_Ben had done so. He'd tried to talk to her, but she'd just told him there was no time to talk, and that they had to put as much distance between them and the shack 'before the other fellow returns'. He couldn't argue with that one, so he'd mounted Buck and followed Joan._

When Joan turned her horse onto a road littered with more with rocks than dirt, Ben was confused, but followed her anyway. What choice did he have? As he did so, he couldn't help but look her over once more. Her attire puzzled him. She wore the headband she'd been wearing the first time he saw her and her feet sported moccasins. However, she wore a plain red dress with a thin white collar. Around her waist she wore what looked like a homemade leather belt on which hung the sheath holding the knife. No one in the white world he knew dressed like that nor any woman living with the Indians.

Joan obviously knew where she was going, and while Ben knew they were still on the Ponderosa, he was not as familiar with the high ground they were heading to. Hoss and Joe often headed up this way, looking for strays after the winter melt, but very rarely found any. He and his sons were careful of the waking wildlife that presided up here over the winter and its limited food supply.

The tall pines thinned out intermittingly against the dark speckled granite rocks; typical of the Sierra's high country. However, it was a majestic place. Small waterfalls and springs carried the melting snows over polished stone creek beds, nature cleansing the waters even more. The sun shone high, yet reflected the clear spring water, making it appear they were travelling into a mythical land.

By the time Ben and Joan tethered their horses underneath a large overhanging boulder, with bushes tucked tight into the ridges and packed mud of the earth. A large patched canvas awing was attached to branches. In all the structure provided very good coverage from the rain and elements. The rain started coming down hard, so they quickly built a fire in what looked to be a well used fire pit. Again, Ben was a little confused. The bedroll and tools he saw lying on "shelves" indicated that someone lived here. Ben assumed it was Joan, but her dress said otherwise as it looked almost brand new.

Joan, who had not planned on meeting Ben underneath these circumstances, was uncomfortable. She had hoped to be knocking on his door sometime the next day and mending what she felt was a broken bridge, not running and hiding him or from men who had taken him prisoner. What choice had she had though? The moment she had seen the first fellow with a knife against Ben's throat Joan had had no choice but to do what she could to save Ben. She would have headed to Ben's home via another route instead of coming to one of the many campsites she stayed at, only the weather had dictated otherwise.

"How have you been?" Ben asked as watched Joan sit down across from him; they were separated only by the fire pit. He wondered just how long she'd been living in the hills and mountainous area of the Ponderosa; he called home.

Joan threw another piece of wood on the fire, before she spoke and then it seemed as if she hadn't heard the question. "I owe you an apology, Benjamin." She looked up from the fire; the sincerity of her words could be seen in the intense look of remorse in her eyes.

Since all Ben could think of was how hurt she had been by his rejection of her, he couldn't think of what she had to be sorry for and said so. "I should have said something sooner than I did, Joan. I'm the one that's so very sorry."

"For what?" Joan asked and smiled at him. "For being honest with me when it came to how you felt? No, Benjamin. You did nothing wrong." Her smile disappeared as she moved away from the fire and leaned against a rock wall behind her. "I was the one who did wrong, leaving in the middle of the night like I did; saying nothing to you before I did. That was childish of me and only proved you were right. I was nowhere near ready to settle down and be any man's wife. For that, acting the way I did and running off in the middle of the night, I am truly sorry."

Ben smiled. It seemed as if time had helped the young woman do some growing up. Seeing her looking so healthy and strong, and then hearing her acknowledge her past actions as childish and immature helped push some of the guilt he'd been carrying around off his shoulders. Though it still left him wondering what she'd been doing and how she'd been surviving all these months. "So, you've been doing all right?"

Joan turned her head and looked at the rain which was still coming down quite hard and then back at Ben. "I've had good times and bad times like everyone else. I've seen a number of places, including a bit of California. However, a good portion of the time, I've been living with a trapper and his wife." She smiled and looked at the dress. "Annie insisted on buying some material on their last trip out of the Nevada Mountains. She said the dress I was wearing, one I got in California, was thread bare and needed to be thrown away." She had to chuckle as she remembered Annie's reaction.

Ben and Joan continued to visit while the rain fell. They discussed everything from the ranch, his sons to her time with this Annie and her husband. It wasn't until Joan had laid down for the night that it hit Ben that the few times he'd asked about the time right after she left his home she'd not only quickly changed the subject, but her body language had been expressing that something was not right. Something had to be wrong. If it wasn't, why had she quickly turned her face away and her body tense up, if only for a split second, before she'd look at him again?

Lying down, Ben watched the rain that continued to pour from all sides of the boulder walls, and remembered what Joan said about the men who had taken him.

It seemed as if the three had been making a name for themselves since he'd had to fire them. He was sure she was right. They'd have to make their way to his home very carefully. Somewhere along the line, before or after he got home did not matter, he'd have to find a way to get Joan to open up and tell him what it was that was bothering her so much.


	5. What happened and The Note

**Forget Me Not **

**Chapter Five**

Oblivious to the happenings at the shack, James had made his way to the Cartwright's home. No one was around the house, so he quickly stuck a note on the door and then slipped away as fast as he could. He figured Ben's sons' would find the note within the next couple of hours. James found himself wishing he could hide and wait to see the looks on their faces when they found the paper hanging on their door. However, he scolded himself for that thought and pushed his horse back in the direction he'd come.

The ride back to the shack had not gone bad until it started to rain. By the time he got back to the shack, James Kendall was soaked to the bone. He quickly secured his horse in the small "barn" and then turned to go into the shack only to stop abruptly and turn around.

Where was Mark's horse? Where was the horse Ben Cartwright called Buck? The first thought that came into his mind was that Mark had double crossed him. He would have remounted his horse and rode off and began a search if it wasn't for the rain. He hurried out of the small "barn" and into the shack. The moment he stepped into the shack, his jaw fell to the floor as a thousand cuss words hit the air. "Mark!" He flew to where the bean pole of a man was still struggling to get loose. In a matter of minutes, James had the gag and rope off his friend.

"What happened?" James was puzzled beyond belief. Ben Cartwright had been not been in a position to do this. How had he gotten loose? That train of thought quickly left as Mark began to explain.

"I don't know who it was! I didn't see or hear a thing!" Mark finished as he again touched the back of his head. Boy, did it hurt! If it was the last thing he did, Mark was determined to find out who had knocked him out. "I bet ten to one Mr. Cartwright is back at the ranch by now!"

Again James cursed. If that was the case, the law would soon be after them, unless Mark was wrong and Mr. Cartwright had had to find shelter from the storm. James hoped that was the case, as it would mean he and Mark had a chance of finding him and forcing him back to the shack. James turned and looked at the rain which was still coming down heavily. As bad as the storm was, he knew he and Mark had no choice but to wait.

~OOOO~

'Wait'... That was something Little Joe did not want to do even if there was a storm raging outside. Adam had been the first one to arrive at the house after the day's work and had found Hop Sing quite upset and waving the note around. It was all Adam could do to get the Chinese cook to settle down enough to find out that Hop Sing had found the note after returning from Virginia City. It had been another minute before he could get the man to actually give him the note. Hoss and Little Joe had entered the house minutes after the cook had disappeared into the kitchen muttering in Chinese.

"We have to go find him!" Little Joe snapped as he turned to go back outside only to find Adam stepping in front of him. The look on Adam's face stopped Joe in his tracks.

Adam barked back, "And what do you propose to do in order to make it so you can see more than three inches in front of your face? Look at the rain coming down out there!" We can't do a blasted thing until that rain stops." Adam then lowered his voice and his eyes took on a pained look of their own, one that matched his brother, maybe more so. "Look Joe, I want to find him just as badly as you do. However, there isn't anything we can do right now."

Little Joe whirled around and marched to the fireplace. Leaning against the mantle, he looked at the fire that was going in the fireplace. He hated it when Adam was right, and he was correct in everything he'd just said. "They better not lay a hand on Pa or hurt him." Little Joe growled after a moment of silence.

"They won't hurt him iff'n they sees one of us comin' with the money." Hoss spoke up, "but whoever doesn't deliver the money could take the time to look for Pa. I mean, what's to stop them from hurting him once they have what they've demanded?"

Adam knew Hoss's concerns were justified. Many men who had been taken prisoners had indeed survived only long enough for their captors to get the money they sought. The moment the ransom was in their hands, the man was killed because he could identify his captors. Still, what choice did they have but to deliver the money? Without it, their father was dead for sure. "I'll deliver part of the money once the rain stops. I'll leave a note saying they get the other half when we get Pa back." Adam said while holding his hand up to stop Hoss from interrupting him, which he looked like he was going to do. "But you two will pay a visit to Sheriff Coffee a visit when I leave. Explain everything to him, but tell him we don't want a posse gathered, just a couple of men who are willing to search for Pa under the guise of camping or something." Adam didn't want to spook the kidnappers and endanger his father anymore than he already was.

Hoss' shoulders slumped forwarded slightly and he nodded with a small frown on his face. "All right, Adam. I'll go along with ya, but I think one of us needs to stay here jist in case they come back here."

Little Joe was still not happy, but he didn't argue either. At least Adam wasn't proposing to give the kidnappers all the money up front. In his opinion, that would have been pure stupidity. The rest of the evening the three brothers did their best to keep themselves busy waiting for the storm to let up enough to allow them to get things moving, the whole time praying that their father was all right and would survive this latest trial in their lives.


	6. Chapter Six

**Forget Me Not **

**Chapter Six **

The moment the rain let up, Joan insisted they get their horses and head out, said they should head east keeping in the mountainous area until they reached another campsite she had used in the past. After that, they could turn south and head for the Cartwright house. Ben might have preferred to go straight home, but he had to agree with Joan; his captors would naturally assume he was headed straight there and would concentrate their search in the area.

Ben would have like to have taken time to sit and talk with Joan some more. The talk the night before had either been light hearted, centered on her trapper friends or on Mr. Kendall and Mr. Sanders. He couldn't have another conversation though, or not much of one anyway. Joan was pushing her horse hard as was he. They had to travel as far as they could and pray for the best. After all, both were sure Ben's captors were already looking for him.

His thoughts turned to the short time Joan was with them and the way she was now. Oh sure, he'd only been with her a few hours; still, he could see and hear a maturity beyond her years. It made him wonder just what she had seen and done in the past year. The kind of growth he saw in her usually did not happen in a single year; at least, not from what he had seen in the past. He was snapped out of his thoughts when he had to duck to keep from hitting a limb that stuck out from a tree off to his left. Joan and he were traveling down a path that was slowly turning from rock to dirt brown; boulders started disappearing as trees and bushes appeared.

By the time they stopped to rest the horses, he couldn't believe how far away from the lake and the shack they were. He began wondering if they were even still on the Ponderosa.

Joan must have read his mind as she began pulling dry jerky out of one of her saddle bags, for she looked at him and said, "We're still on the Ponderosa, but not by much. We have a bit of riding to do before we get to my other campsite; it's surrounded by trees and bushes." She then found a comfortable place to sit down, while Ben did the same. "Those men should not think to come this far out in search of you." She told him as she ate some of the jerky in her hand. Joan hoped the two men would go to the Cartwright home and then, finding he was still missing, start their search in any direction but the one she and Ben were in.

She may have been thinking about keeping him out of his captors reach; however, Ben's mind had wandered back to the moment he'd seen Trace stiffen and fall because of the arrow she had shot. He spoke 'out of the blue' and said, "I didn't know you could handle a bow and arrow so well. I owe you my life." He turned his head and looked at her with a bit of admiration. He wasn't all that surprised when a bit of sadness passed over her eyes, as he assumed the sadness was over the killing; it was.

"I didn't want to kill him; I hope you know that." She looked at him and then up at some birds that were flying overhead. She hated all the killing and fighting that went on in the world. No good came from it, only misery and pain. "I didn't see where I had a choice though." Joan looked back at Ben. "He would have killed you. Though, you don't' owe me anything. You never did." She said, as she thought to herself that Ben's death was one thing she could not have stood by and watched. No, even if Ben didn't love her the way she still loved him, it was better to see Ben live alone with his sons or marry someone else than to stand by and watch another human being kill him.

Ben felt bad for Joan. He could see how upset she was. It made him wish things could have been different. Why did those men have to go and cause him trouble? Then, remembering the few stories, stories about traveling to California with a friend she'd met and seeing San Francisco, a city she'd said was way too large for her, he asked, "May I ask you to tell me more about your travels? The boys and I have often thought about you and wondered where you'd gone."

Joan didn't answer right away. She didn't want to offend Ben, yet she didn't feel like it was a time for telling stories. They had to get to her second campsite. It was well hidden by trees, shrubbery and natural illusions. "Not now Ben," she answered as she stood up, hurried to her horse and mounted the animal; Ben followed suit and mounted Buck, then pushed his horse to catch up with Joan.

"We'll talk more when we get to our destination!" Joan spoke loud to be heard above the wind which was starting to blow again. She hoped it didn't mean another rain storm was moving in on them.

Since he knew full well she was concerned about the men actually finding them, Ben didn't argue. It probably helped that he was distracted by the area they were in. After a good hour in the saddle, the scenery became familiar. He recognized this landscape well, as he and his sons had traveled this way more than once. That and the fact that he had also realized just how well Joan seemed to know the area. If she knew the area as well as it appeared she did, then her time in California must have been extremely short.

Ben and Joan weren't the only ones riding hard to get someplace. Adam was also riding Sport quite hard to the place the kidnappers had put in their note. He was keeping a careful ear out, and his eyes wide opened! He trusted these criminals as far as he could throw them. Once Adam got to the area he was supposed to leave the money, he dismounted his horse, tied him to a branch of a tree and made his way to a small boulder which was nearby. He hurried to put half the amount requested, along with a note on the boulder and sent a rock on top of it. He then quickly retreated back in the direction he had come, untied Sport, mounted and made it look like he had left. In all reality, he had only hid himself extremely well and was watching the area for any sign of movement.


	7. Temporary Home

**Forget Me Not **

**Chapter Seven**

By the time Ben and Joan reached her second camp, it was starting to threaten to rain again. Ben followed Joan through the bushes into a clump of trees and then watched as Joan dismounted and moved some shrubbery aside to reveal a cavern. She stepped aside still holding the reigns to her horse in her hand. "There's enough room in there for our horses." She nodded towards the entry, as she looked up at the sky. Ben dismounted and led Buck into the cavern.

Ben looked around as Joan lit a lamp that set on a rock table that sat off to his left. There was a bed off to his right and rock shelves next to it. A fire pit was in the middle of the cavern and at the back was a place to keep the horses. That is, keep them if it was raining. There were even a couple of pictures hanging on the cavern walls; they were being held in place by natural curves in the rock cavern walls. Since the place didn't have an overly heavy smell of manure, Ben assumed Joan kept her horse among the clump of trees when the weather permitted.

"I'll take care of the horses." Joan held out her hands. Ben hesitated only because he'd always taken care of the horses. After a few seconds, he handed her the reins. She told him as she led the horses toward the back of the cavern. "Make yourself at home. You might be here longer than either of us wants, if another storm hits." Joan said as she removed the saddles and then attached feed bags to their heads.

He walked over to the rock shelves he was surprised to see the works of men like William Shakespeare, John Milton and Sir Thomas Browne, sitting on the bottom and middle shelves. Above the shelves hung a wooden sign read; *******A proverb is no proverb to you till life has illustrated it ~** _**John Keats**_ ,and off to his left another one read; **The imagination of a boy is healthy, and the mature imagination of a man is healthy, but there is a space of life between, in which the soul is in ferment, the character undecided, the way of life uncertain. ~ **_**John Keats. **_Both signs were hanging in the same manner the pictures were.

It puzzled Ben to no end. How could someone who had obviously continued educating herself choose to live in such a place? That is, on a regular basis? Ben didn't understand it, but he wanted to. That is, he wanted to know what had happened to make it so Joan had chosen to live the way she was, or appeared to be living anyway.

"You can read anything you like, Benjamin." Joan said as she finished with the horses and walk back up towards the front of the cavern. "Like I said; might as well make yourself at home." She slipped around a natural bend in the cavern that held a small hidden 'room' and shocked Ben by hauling out two rocking chairs.

Joan chuckled at the expression on his face, as she set the chairs near the fire pit and began to build a fire. "I found them a couple of months ago. Took a bit, but I managed to get them up here. It felt good to have something besides rock to sit on," She chuckled.

Ben couldn't stand it any longer. He just had to get his answers. "Why Joan? If you are going to make this place as much like the white world as possible, why not simply live in the white world?" His confusion showed in his turned down eyebrows and shoulders which moved upwards, as he turned the palms of his hands up.

Joan smiled and let out a soft laugh, as she worked on getting the fire going. She knew he would assume she lived in her campsites regularly. That is; that she was living with this way with every intention of continuing to do so. "I do not intend to live my days out here, Benjamin." She looked towards the hidden opening of the cavern and then at Ben. "But after I left my friends, Paul and Annie, I had to have someplace to stay until I decided what to do next. I needed some place where I could be completely by myself to do that. Don't ask me why; it's just the way it is." Then, looking at the signs on the rock wall, she added softly, "Call it my place of uncertainty if you wish…" she said as she looked at him and smiled, "Now, let's talk of other things. Like what do to do about your situation, those men looking for you and your sons." She sat back in the rocker and looked back at Ben.

They had to decide to how to handle this mess they found themselves in. That being the case, the two continued talking. After deciding that, as much as they hated it, they would stay where they were for at least a week. There were plenty of supplies in the cavern, plus a stream nearby. If they were lucky, the two men would give up on searching for him and just leave. After that decision was made Ben tried to get her to tell him about the time immediately after her departure.

Joan stood up and walked to the front of the cavern moving the shrubbery just enough to do more than let air through the few small holes that could barely be seen. It was still threatening to rain. But, by the time Joan answered him, Ben was standing next to her.

Joan felt his presence, but kept her eyes on the ugly clouds in the sky. "What is done is done. I survived, I learned and I grew. You can see that for yourself, and I have acknowledged my fault in leaving." She looked at Ben and asked with an expression of one who just wanted to leave the past behind her. "Why worry about it now?"

Ben, who again found himself with the strongest feeling there was something else she needed to talk about but wasn't, put a hand on her shoulder and answered simply, "Because I care about you."

Joan said nothing, as she turned her attention back to the clouds in the sky and the fact that another storm was rolling in.

**oOo**

Adam, aware of the storm that was rolling in, had found himself with no choice, but to go home and wait. By the time he walked in the door, his brothers, Sheriff Coffee and nine other men were in the living room. Adam threw his hat on his father's desk and joined the group as they discussed the best way to continue. .

"I don't like it, Adam." Roy said as he watched the rain begin to fall. It's like I was telling Little Joe when he came to my office, Trace Hilman was found dead with an arrow in his back near your camp by a couple of men traveling through the area. They brought him in hours before Joe came to my office. Up until your brother showed up, we thought the camp belonged to Trace."

"That arrow tells me a renegade Paiute might be involved in this!" Howard, a local small time rancher, snapped.

"No," Adam shook his head, "There are no Paiute on our land right now. I know that much. Once this rain stops, just split up and act like you're hunting, fishing or whatever. Pa's out there somewhere. We'll stay here until we hear from the kidnappers." He would have just said he'd return to the spot where he'd left the money but he was sure it would have already been taken by the kidnappers by the time he got there.

The men didn't like it but, since Hoss and Little Joe sided with Adam, they went along with it. They would wait to start their search until after the rain stopped.

*****John** Keats (pron.: 31 October 1795 – 23 February 1821) was an English Romantic poet**


	8. Chapter 8

**Forget Me Not **

**Chapter Eight**

Adam was right; had he gone back to the appointed spot he would have found the ransom was missing. James, who had picked it up with the note up, was back in the shack and in an all out fight of wills with Mark.

"Half of what we asked for and no father to show them for the rest of it…" James yelled, holding some of the money up while shaking it in front of Mark's face. "I say we got to find dear old Mr. Cartwright and make those sons' of his pay!"

Mark wasn't interested in sticking around. The more he thought on it, the less he liked the fact that fate seemed to be against them. Trace being killed by an unseen assailant and then him being knocked out cold by an unseen face, which he was sure belonged to Trace's killer, and now only half the ransom money! Mark was money hungry and a troublemaker only to a certain point. To try to get the rest of the ransom money when they didn't even the slightest clue to as where their prisoner was; no, it was just craziness to him.

"Do what you want!" Mark barked as he grabbed some of the money off the table and headed out the door. "I am riding out of here and heading south. You're welcome to come along, but I'm through!" He bellowed as he grabbed his horse and threw his saddle on it.

James was more furious than ever. He had planned this kidnapping out from the beginning. Step by step, he'd laid things out for Trace and Mark. Both men had accepted the risks as they said the Cartwright's owed them the money. Naturally, he couldn't get mad at Trace. The man hadn't seen that arrow coming anymore than he and Mark had. However, Mark's leaving was by choice, and James wasn't going to stand by and watch that one.

"We're in this together! You can't leave!" James grabbed Mark by the arm only to find himself flying through the air and Mark riding off full speed before he even hit the ground.

If the sky had been blue, it would have fled as Mark rode away as James let out a stream of cuss words that would have shamed it. James swore right then and there; he was going to finish what he started and then go after Mark and kill him for deserting him the way he had.

**~oOo~**

Ben sat on the bank of the creek that ran near the cavern he and Joan were staying in. After going the rounds more than once with Joan, he'd succeeded in getting her to accept he wasn't going to take the only bed in the cavern away from her. _"I've slept on a bedroll on the ground on more occasions than I can tell you; I can do it again."_ Those had been his final words on the matter. Joan had given in, but insisted that he at least use one of the spare bear rugs her friends had given her before she'd left their company.

Joan was sitting further down the bank with her back towards him. She was reading out of one of her books. While Ben could understand the need for space while important decisions were being made, it still puzzled him as to why she seemed to need to be this far away from anyone, while hers were being made. When he'd ventured to press her for answers, Joan had merely sighed and told him, 'Everyone is different, Ben. You know that.' He knew that; he also knew there was more behind her story that she was letting on. Deciding he had to try again, Ben stood up and walked toward Joan.

Joan had her nose so far into the book she did not hear Ben approaching. However, Ben did not realize this as he thought he was walking quite normally. This being the case, he did not think he would startle Joan in the least when he reached out and touched her on the shoulder. However, when he laid his hand upon her, Ben got the shock of his life. Joan screamed, jumped up and whirled around, taking her knife out of its sheath as she did so. A very defensive look was in her eyes as she stood as if ready for a fight.

Ben jumped backwards in order to avoid the knife. For a split second, the air around the two could have been cut with the very knife in her hand.

The look in her eyes quickly left as her body relaxed and she took a step backwards herself. "Don't ever do that again!" Joan snapped as she slid the knife back into place. "Don't ever come up behind me, without letting me know you're there! Do you realize if you had been standing any closer my knife would have cut you!" She was throwing the words fast and furious as fire shot out of her eyes. Once she was through yelling, Joan ran past Ben and into the cavern.

Inside, Joan leaned her back against the rock wall. The fact that she had come so close to stabbing the best man she'd ever met had her shaking uncontrollably. Try as she might, Joan couldn't keep the tears from falling either. They were running faster than the water out in the creek. She was fighting to get herself to stop shaking and the tears to stop rolling, when Ben stepped moved the shrubbery and stepped inside.

Ben had seen a lot of things in his day and been through more ordeals than he cared to count. He might not know what Joan had seen and been through since she left his home, but he'd seen the same reaction she'd given from other people in his life. The fact that every one of those people had seen more than their share of some kind of personal horror was the one common thread they all shared. Now, standing and looking at Joan trembling and doing what she could to get the control she'd had back, screamed major trauma to him.

Ben said nothing as he reached out and, taking a hold of her shoulders, pulled her to him. As she felt the comfort she'd been searching for in his arms, Joan stopped fighting to keep her wall up and held on to Ben for all she was worth.

Keeping a hold of her, Ben led her to the fire pit and sat down on the ground, though he didn't push her to talk. He reached to his left, grabbed a log that was sitting by itself and threw it on the fire and pushed any thoughts concerning Mr. Kendall and Mr. Sanders aside. Why try to figure out whether they had fled or were looking for him when it was obvious that, for now, Joan needed his attention more.

It seemed forever before Joan quit trembling only she finally did. A part of her told her to move out of Ben's arms- another part needed her to stay right where she was. The larger part won; she stayed. As she gazed into the glowing fire, Joan apologized. "I'm sorry, Ben. I shouldn't have come apart on you like that." She hadn't, but it had happened anyway. If only she could reverse the hands of time. Then again, maybe it was a good thing she couldn't. After all, she'd be rewinding her life way too many times if she did that.

Ben held her closer and assured it was all right. "Don't worry about it. I startled you. I'll just be more careful from now on." He thought about pressing for answers again, but as it was starting to get dark outside, decided it could wait until the morning. Besides, he figured she needed comfort worse than anything at the moment. The rest of the evening, he remained by the fire holding Joan, though nothing more was said.


	9. Joan's Story

**Forget Me Not **

**Chapter Nine **

Morning found Ben and Joan sitting next to the same creek only this time Ben was firmly, but gently, demanding some answers. Joan chuckled as she turned her head and looked at Ben. "You are a persistent one, aren't you?" She then turned her hands up as she threw her gaze back to the running water in front of them. "I guess after yesterday and last night," she said, as she remembered receiving the shock of her life when she woke a few hours after Ben to find herself still by the fire and in his arms. "You deserve some answers. Actually, I should have given to them to you before now. I was just too proud and thought for sure I had things under control."

'_Under control'_; those two words had Ben fighting to force a chuckle to stay down. If he'd learned nothing else in life, he knew that every time someone _'thought for sure'_ they would, most often than not, be proven wrong. Of course, he wasn't about to say that to Joan. It's not like he wanted her to feel like he was _'rubbing it in_' in any way. So, he simply sat quietly and waited for her to begin speaking.

"I couldn't sleep after I left you that night." Joan began speaking slowly and Ben listened without interruption. He was surprised to learn that Joan had never intended to leave the Ponderosa for good, and that she'd simply been riding around trying to make up her mind and quell what she believed was a broken heart, but events beyond her control had changed those plans….

_**Flashback…. **_

_Joan, who had pushed her horse to the limit due to her own frustration and tears, slowed the animal to a stop. How far how she traveled? Eight, nine, maybe, ten miles. Her heart was breaking, but she knew riding around in the dark was pretty well useless. After all, she had no desire to go back to the Paiute tribe even if they had treated her well enough. That is, until they'd forced her to leave because the chief's son was looking at her. She turned her horse around deciding that she really had no choice but to get on a stagecoach and go to California, as she had in all honesty adapted to the white man's way of life._

_Because Joan had her mind on her troubles, she didn't hear the movement in the bushes near her until it was too late. Before she knew it three bearded men were on three sides of her, and one had the reins to her horse in his hands._

_**End Flashback….**_

"I thought for sure they were going to have their way with me, but they didn't." Joan's voice grew hard and bitter. "It seems like they had a debt to pay…" she paused and then continued, "to a friend in California and thought giving them a 'squaw' would be a good way to settle it." She clenched her fist for a moment. "I tried to get away more than once and each time my flesh felt their fists or the warning blade of their knives." She rolled up her sleeves and showed the scars on her arms. Ben's eyes widened in shock; he couldn't help but gasp, appalled at the things he was hearing.

"The man they gave me to in California had, let's say, plenty of resources for his nightly pleasures." The sour look that came up on Joan's face reinforced what her words had implied. "So, I was made to work in the kitchen and laundry area. Thankful to some degree, but there was always a man 'conveniently' around those areas." She rolled down her sleeves as she told him of how one of the men had taken a liking to her and had succeeded in catching her unawares on two separate occasions. Joan had been lucky enough to escape the pain and humiliation of an actual rape, though the man's manhandling and threats had sickened her with fear. She'd sworn to kill the man the next time he tried anything, but he'd died in a freak work accident before she could. "Biggest blessing… that and the fact he had never had his way with me."

Ben felt himself get sick to his stomach as she told of the events.

"I managed to escape after two months, but I swore within an inch of my life never to be caught off guard again." Joan bit off her words as she told of fleeing into the mountains of California and making her way east and back to Nevada. "I met Paul and Annie; they had actually passed through the Ponderosa a number of times, but they never took anything that belonged to you and always trapped outside your land. They taught me everything when it came to handling a knife, a bow and arrow or any other weapon after they learned my story quite by accident."

Joan went on to explain how she'd fallen ill and talked while she had a fever. "I have lived by myself for a few months now." Joan finished, and then turned her eyes away from Ben and back to the creek.

If Ben knew who those men were, he would have gone straight to them and had it out with them, and then turned them over to the law. Maybe, it was a good thing he didn't know. He laid his hand on top of Joan's very carefully. "You don't have to run anymore, Joan. If nothing else, you can stay at the house with me and my family. In fact," he smiled, "Hoss is getting quite serious with his girl. I wouldn't be surprised if there was an announcement soon."

Joan bit her lower lip as Ben's hand rested on top of hers. She knew he meant well, but she couldn't see staying at his house when he still didn't love her the way a man would love a woman he wanted to marry. Sure, she might be able to accept the fact that he could, someday, be married to someone else. However, she could not stomach the idea of living under the same room as he courted that woman and then brought her into the house.

Joan shook her head and stood up. "Thanks for caring about me, Benjamin, and I am grateful for the offer, but no thanks. My place is here for now, until I can decide where in the white world I want to call home. I think I best get lunch started. Five more days and we'll head to your home. I'm sure your sons will be more than elated to see you when you arrive safely and still very healthy." she laughed, trying to break the tension that had built up during the details of her troubled journey."

As she walked towards the cavern, Ben thought about her living alone in the mountains. Because of _what_ she'd just told him, he could see why she had temporarily drawn back from society. Still, he didn't think it was good for her to continue living up here, not when men like the ones who forced her to California and the men who had taken him prisoner were roaming around. By the time he started walking back to the cavern, he knew he was going to have to find a way to convince her to stay at his home, if only for a short period of time.


	10. News and Hidden Feelings

**Forget Me Not **

**Chapter Ten**

Adam sat in front of the fireplace in his family's home. He could hear the rain coming down once more. He was so deep into thought that it took him a few moments to realize someone was knocking at the door. He stood up just as Hoss appeared at the top of the stairs.

"You gonna get that, or do I have to come down and answer it?" Hoss sounded a bit annoyed; he'd been climbing into bed when he heard the knocking.

"Sorry, I'll get it." Adam hurried over to the door and opened it up. He was shocked to see Roy Coffee standing on the other side. What on earth was he doing out in this storm? "Roy? Come on in," said Adam as he stepped aside and let the lawman in.

"That rain was easin' up." Roy took off his hat and coat. "It would start back up jist when I got too far away from town to turn back." he grumbled, though typical of Roy it had a bit of odd humor to it. The fact that Adam and Hoss all saw that humor could be seen as grins appeared on all three faces and the short chuckle that had slipped out from them too.

"So, what brings you back out here?" Adam asked with apprehension in his voice. He was almost afraid of what the lawman had to tell them.

"In two words; Mark Sanders! One of the men had him in my office when I got back from my own 'fishing trip'..." Roy went on to explain how Mr. Hunter, the man who had brought Mr. Sanders in, had been heading into town due to the storm and had run across Mr. Sanders. The man's horse had taken a stumble and Mark had busted his leg. "He had a lot of money on him and…" Roy paused knowing what effects his next words would have on Ben's sons and then continued speaking, "Your father's pistol and pocket watch." He wasn't surprised when Adam and Hoss both exploded.

"What!" they hollered at the same time and took a step forward only to find Roy begging them to 'jist quiet down and listen!" He was glad when they both did.

"He claims he doesn't know where your father is now." He went on to explain what the man had said about James Kendall and the kidnapping, along with the fact that Mark had, without prompting, told them about Trace Hilman. "Apparently, the man was killed by someone who thought he meant to kill your father right there and then."

Adam liked James Kendall and Mark Sanders as much as he liked the flu. If what Mark said was true, then his father was out there someplace being hunted down by the poorest excuse there was for a man. "We best all start looking once this rain stops." The fact that the rain kept hampering their efforts upset him greatly, and he didn't try to hide that fact as he scowled while making the statement.

Hoss sat near the fireplace and watched the flames dance up and down; he was only partially listening as Adam and Roy continued talking. He wasn't sure what to think, but he did know Adam was right. They would all be out looking as soon as the heavy rain stopped.

**~oOo~**

Hoss wasn't the only one watching flames dancing back and forth. Joan threw some more wood on the fire she and Ben had going in the cavern and then sat down in her rocking chair. Her mind was on Ben's repeated pleas that she leave this place, and any other campsite, to go back and live with his family. "This is no way for you to live," Ben's voice and words rang in her ears once more, "neither one of us can stop the bad in life from happening, but we don't have to hide like hermits either."

Joan sighed as she again thought on the truthfulness of his words. While she wasn't going to say she was sorry for the past couple of months; she wasn't, Joan realized, that Ben was right; she needed to move on.

Looking over to where Ben lay sleeping in his bed roll, she wondered if she could really live under the same roof as he and still hide what was in her heart. And hide it she'd have to, for his sake. How could she do otherwise? He cared for her only as he would a daughter. She might not like it; she might wish he felt differently, but that wasn't going to change anything. That being the case, why do or say anything that would put the guilt she'd seen roll off his shoulders back on? He was too good of a man for her to do that. She may have to live with the pain of a broken heart, but he should not have to live with the destruction that guilt brought with it.

Unbeknownst to Joan, Ben wasn't sleeping. Yes, he was lying down with his back towards her, but he was wide awake. He too was thinking on his attempts to get her to accept his offer, only for the first time he was doing more than hearing her say she'd be fine where she was. He was seeing the non verbal messages she'd been very unintentionally sending him every time they'd spoken on the matter. The way her eyes would turn away every time he mentioned how his sons wanted their "sister" back, or to at least know she was in a safe place, or a faint longing that would appear in the back of her eyes when the two had laughed and talked about how she'd given him a run for his money when she first came to live with them. Those things, along with others, were making it so the truth of her feelings was becoming all the more clear, but there was a similar glow brightening his heart, especially when she laughed or tried to explain one of her adventures. He realized he had missed her more than he had ever thought possible or dared to verbalize.

_I'm old enough to be her father; she'd be better off with one of my sons than me, and it just wouldn't work out were a few of the things. Maybe I'm wrong and she doesn't have any hidden feelings for me. _Those were the things Ben kept telling himself as he finally fell asleep. Only thing was, his dreams began to make him doubt his own words.


	11. Feelings Revealed

**Forget Me Not **

**Chapter Eleven **

Ben, who had been standing near the creek, ducked as Joan threw some water from the creek towards him. While he succeeded in avoiding a portion of it, a few drops still hit the back of his hand. Joan was laughing as she backed away from the water. She'd never seen Ben move so fast, and it looked quite hilarious. Ben joined in her laughter. It had been four days since they arrived at the hidden campsite and most of it had been spent working on minor projects Joan had started or had in mind, but now they had taken the time to relax enough to really enjoy each other's company.

As he'd ducked, Ben remembered how Joan had told him about a family she'd met on the way back to Nevada, and a water fight she'd had with their oldest son, a young gentleman by the name of Jack Tierney. From the sounds of it, he would have been between the ages of Little Joe and Hoss and he had taken a liking to Joan. Ben stopped laughing and brought an instant stop to their play when he asked, "Why didn't you take Mr. Tierney up on his proposal?" From what she'd said the young man wanted her to stay with some friends of theirs so he could court her.

Joan walked over the grass and stood next to a tree not far from where Ben was standing. She then bent over, picked up some small rocks and tossed them into the river. "Because he reminded me too much of someone's baby brother, and the idea of marrying my baby brother, if I had one, is wrong; just plain wrong." She answered bluntly as she leaned against the tree. "Though, I admit, a small part of me wished I could feel something for him. I just didn't." She'd actually met a number of fine, good men and, at the time, wished she could find it in herself to love them. It hadn't happened though. Okay, the fact that she was working her way back to Nevada and had little opportunity to really stay in one place long probably had something to do with it. Only when she saw Ben tied to the wagon, did Joan admit that it was because she'd had always had Ben in the back of her mind.

Ben fell into silence as he leaned against another tree; one that was close to the one Joan was using, and looked around. He couldn't help but think on his captors or his family. Not knowing about Mark's desertion and subsequent arrest, he believed both Mark and James were still looking for him.

Ben had also started thinking on his sons. Joan read through his silence and surprised him when she said, "If you want, we can always change our minds. We could take a chance and make our way back to your house." She had to force herself to keep her voice calm as she spoke. While she succeeded, Joan couldn't stop the fear she had for his safety out of her heart and apparently her eyes, as Ben saw right through her.

Again, Ben fought the musings that had begun to pester him during the previous night. Sure, Joan had matured into a fine young woman who thought as a woman, not a child. It didn't change her age though, nor his. "No," he finally spoke after a few minutes. "As much as I would like to, I can't. Maybe, if Mark Sanders was working alone, I would go for it. However, Mr. Kendall is with him and James Kendall isn't the type of man to search for a few days. That man will look at least five or six days before giving up and leaving." From past experience with the man, Ben knew his statement to be true. "I don't want a shootout there or here for that matter, but here we are well hidden, so it's safer."

"Let's go for a walk along the creek. It's well hidden with all the trees and shrubbery around." Joan said as she stepped away from the tree she was leaning again. "That is, as long as we don't go further than a mile it is." Any further than that and Joan knew Ben and she would be opening themselves to be sitting ducks if the two men were indeed still looking for them.

Ben didn't argue and soon found himself walking alongside Joan. He could hear birds singing in the majestic trees that occupied the area they were in; he could see some flying overhead. A few jackrabbits were scurrying over the brown dirt or green grass, depending on where they were at, and a soft breeze blew through the air. Again his mind turned to the day he would get home and the fact that Joan planned on not staying with them; returning to one of the campsites. The more he thought on it the less, he liked it. He turned his head and looked at Joan, who was enjoying the scenery around them as they walked. "I wish you'd reconsider and agree to stay at the house instead of coming back here when I return home." Ben said as they stopped walking, turned around and then started walking back to the cavern.

Joan felt her heart strings being pulled. She wanted nothing more than to be sitting at the table with Ben and his sons again, or sitting on the porch working on some project, even reading a book. However, as she was unaware Ben was already starting to see through her, Joan still wondered if she could really hide her feelings from him for more than the short week they were now sharing. It was the fear that she wouldn't be able to that was holding her back.

When she did not answer, Ben stopped walking, took a hold of her shoulders and turned her to face him. He tilted her head upwards with the intention of repeating himself and waiting for an answer only to be shocked beyond measure at the longing he saw in her eyes, the longing of one who could not have what they wanted. It shook him to the core. "I haven't gotten any younger, Joan." He was barely able to get the words out as he felt his heart skip a beat.

Joan gave him a small smile as she fought to control her own voice. "Your age isn't the question, Benjamin." She slid her arms up his chest and around his neck, causing tremors to roll through his every nerve. "The question is have I grown up enough?" Her face was only inches from his as she asked the question while her eyes begged for the answer she longed to hear.

Any thought that he was too old for her fled as their lips met, and it seemed as if the birds and other animals began to disappear. Ben wrapped his arms around Joan's waist and held her close hoping his sons would understand once he got her home. Of course, it would help if he was simply honest with them, unlike he had been with himself; the fact was he had missed Joan more that he could ever admit. These last few days of her talk and adventures had elated him regarding her growth, independence and most of all survival, yet it frightened him. He would not lose her again; his heart won the battle which the expected social values of the time didn't.

By the time Ben pulled back, he was wishing he had a ring to put on Joan's finger. As it was, he wasn't about to treat her like one of the saloon girls; she meant far too much to him to do that. "I think we best head back. I think those horses or ours might need to be fed." He ran his finger down the side of Joan's face and smiled. "And, it might be wise for us to pack up and leave tomorrow even if the full week isn't up yet."

While Joan knew what Ben feared, she feared crossing paths with James Kendall worse as that could mean Ben's death. She wrapped her arms around Ben's waist and laid her head against his chest. "It might be, only please, I can't risk losing you, not right now." She prayed he'd listen and consent to stay where they were for now.

Ben held onto her and looked up towards the sky. While it was blue and free of clouds, due to the time of the year storms were coming more often. While he began to fear he and Joan might wind up finding themselves spending more time than planned at the cavern, he couldn't deny her request either. What a reversal of stance, he thought to himself. Moments ago Joan offered to help him to return to his family sooner than planned, but he'd felt the need to stay for his families safety. The kidnappers knew where the Ponderosa was, but not Joan's secluded hideaway, but now this seclusion was going to make it harder for Ben than any shootout would. He didn't know if he could resist the temptations of his body, temptations that his heart and mind were motivating. Joan was right; what a dilemma to have finally ignited the love she had always felt only to risk it being taken away. "All right," he answered as he kissed the top of her head, "only once we get home, I send for a preacher and forget a big wedding, if that's okay with you." He only said that because she'd commented more than once she had seen weddings in her travels that were far overdone.

"As long as you don't forget me," Joan chuckled, as she gave him another hug, "I won't argue."

That put a smile on both their faces, and they started walking towards the cavern once more; hand in hand.


	12. Chapter 12

Forget Me Not

Chapter Twelve

Ben watched as the wind started blowing like a mad man through the trees. Definitely not a good day to find for traveling; still, he and Joan really had no choice. It had been seven days and, from the looks of it, if they stayed at the campsite much longer who knows how long they'd be living in the cavern. He buttoned up his coat and took one last look at the place that had given them shelter when they needed it, and then turned to Joan and smiled. "Time for us to get home," Ben smiled and his eyes glowed as he looked upon the woman who had agreed to not only accompany him home but marry him as well. Then again, maybe he'd take her to town first, find a preacher and appease his sons with a private wedding at home. The last few days had truly tested his resolve to uphold his own moral standards, and Joan's virtue, as the attraction between the two of them was very strong. On top of that, the woman absolutely glowed with satisfaction and contentment.

_Flashback_

_After spending what was turning out to be a sunny winter's day by the creek, Joan and Ben went about their nightly routine. They had caught some good game and ate well as they chatted by the fire. As curious as Joan, she had fired question after question about the ranch and the boys. Afterwards, they had each settled down for the night, yet neither one slept soundly. The night turned suddenly very cold and another winter storm threatened the snugness of the cavern. _

_Ben got up to stoke the fire while Joan, who had chosen to sleep in a bedroll instead of her regular "bed", lay on the other side of the fire. After watching Ben for a few minutes, she sat up to watch him."You, know," she said, "Two bodies on one Bear rug and with another one over them will keep out any winter freeze." It was true. She'd seen it done many time while living with the Paiutes, and it was cold outside. Okay, so she made the statement with a somewhat inviting tone. _

"_Will they, now?" smirked Ben, finding her flirtatious quip humorous, yet very inviting. _

"_Yes, just ask any old Bear round these parts; they will tell you it is so." She assured him, her brown eyes laughed at the idea of Ben trying to talk to any kind of bear. _

_Ben laughed out loud and added another log to the fire. Joan soon joined in. "I think, you best stay exactly where you are, and I'll put another log on the fire." Even though I could actually do with a little cooling off, he thought to himself. _

_Suddenly thunder rocked the sky and a bolt of lightning struck close to the caverns entrance, sizzling a nearby bush. Having never had lightening strike that close to her before Joan screamed and scuttled her way around the fire and, without thinking, jumped into Ben's arms._

_Ben could feel her heart beating fast against his chest and tucked her in close as he stroked her hair and her arms; trying to sooth her sudden fear. Joan nestled her face into his neck, her nose and lips brushing the beating vein there. She'd never felt safer or more comfortable._

_Ben, who found himself wanting more than to simply hold her, lowered his head, nudged her face from the crook in his neck and started kissing her passionately. It was an action Joan more than happy to return. As the two exchanged passionate kisses, Joan felt her heart start to beat just a little bit faster, as did Ben's for that matter. For a moment all rhyme and reason disappeared as they continued to explore each other's mouths and tastes, while caressing each other's bodies with their hands. _

_When Ben heard low mewing sounds from Joan and a low groan come out of his own mouth, Ben pulled back fully aware that the heat between them, and their desire for each other, was escalating, "I think we should stop. I don't think the man upstairs meant for that lightening to push us into each other's arms like this." He chuckled, in a bid to gain his control._

_Joan, who had never felt such need before, looked disappointed, and Ben felt sure he detected a small pout. She crossed her arms and sighed. "Maybe not," she answered, "however, the fear of it put me into your arms."_

_Ben roared with laughter. "Yes, but now it's back to your own bed."_

"_But, Benjamin…" Joan was leery of more lightning stiking too close to the cavern and wanted to some security._

"_No; but Benjamin," he ordered, in a mock sternness then grew serious. "I won't be able to pull back next time and, if you stay this close to me, there will be a next time. I won't have that until we're married."_

_Because she knew he was right and agreed, Joan conceded and went back to her bedroll where she put her bear skin and blankets together again, in order to make things more comfortable. She then began to slide underneath them, all the time mockingly glaring at Ben. Just before she fell asleep, she whispered just loud enough for him to hear. "Too bad, two bodies are always warmer than one." _

_Just then another loud thunder clap could be heard. Ben looked up towards the top of the cavern, "I'm trying Lord, I'm trying…"_

_End Flashback. _

Yes, it was definitely time to head home. Once outside, Ben and Joan untied their horses. As they saddled up their horses, both Ben and Joan looked at the sky and sighed. It was once again looking as if the clouds might have another meeting only this time Ben was sure the next storm would bring snow. It was like someone was telling them the same thing the wind was; if they were going home, they'd best make a run for it. It was a message that neither he nor she chose to ignore.

"I hope your sons will accept us." Joan laid her hand on Ben's upper arm as she stood next to her horse. As much as she loved Ben, she wanted no trouble for either one of them from his children either, even if they were full grown men.

Ben thought on his sons. He was sure Hoss would accept the union between Ben and Joan the easiest as he simply had a compliant nature around him. Little Joe might rant and rave for awhile, but Ben was sure he'd settle down soon enough. When it came to Adam, he would be skeptical but polite. It might take him awhile to, but Ben was sure even Adam, with his thick English skull, would welcome Joan into the family as a stepmother rather than an adopted sister.

"Don't worry about it." Ben pulled her to him and gave her a passionate kiss and then pulled back. "They'll be fine. They'll be happy for us; I'm pretty sure of it." He helped her up and onto the horse. Not that she needed the help, just because he wanted to give it.

Joan was too far too lost on cloud nine to care about the help being given. If anything, it felt great to have someone love her and even better to have that someone be Benjamin Cartwright. Once Ben was in his saddle, the two headed down the path that led away from the cavern and would, eventually, lead them back to his family.

~too~

Adam stood on the porch with his hands in his pockets, his mind on his father. He, his brother, and the others who had come to the Ponderosa were starting to run out of areas in which to search. It made him nervous as he had begun to realize that if his father was still alive and there was a chance he had to have gone into the higher mountains of the Ponderosa. Not knowing that was indeed the case, and not knowing his father was on his way back, left Adam to worry that they'd not be seeing their father any time soon. And, if his father had fallen victim to anything else out there….Adam stopped his train of thought. He had too; he had to hold onto the hope that one of their friends would find him.

When he heard heavy footsteps approaching him, Adam wasn't surprised to turn his head and see Hoss walking up beside him. Nor was he surprised by what came out of Hoss' mouth.

"Do you think we'll find him before the snow hits, Adam?" Hoss wasn't that comfortable with the idea of their father being out there somewhere, possibly hurt or even dead. That idea that Ben might be hurt or dead had been tossed around, as they had not received any further communication from James Kendall.

Adam didn't answer for a few minutes. Would they? He sure hated to think of his father stuck in the mountains someplace when the first winter snow hit. That would make for a far too dangerous situation. Just when Hoss was ready to repeat his question, Adam answered, "If we're blessed enough, we will. Roy is going to gather some more men tomorrow and go hunting while we take the few ranch hands we have this time of the year and go look. Who knows, maybe he'll come home on his own and save us all some trouble." Okay, so Adam didn't know how much he believed that last part only he could always hope. He had too. Without hope he would go crazy; they all would. Nothing more was said between the brothers, though they continued standing on the porch for another solid fifteen minutes.

~oOo~

James let out more than one choice word as he sat in a hotel room in Carson City. He'd spent days searching for Mr. Cartwright and then, in disguise, had gone into Virginia City to see if anyone was talking about the man. When he'd overheard two men talking and found out Ben Cartwright was still missing, he'd gone back out and searched for another day. Finally, he'd decided to lay low in Carson City for awhile. If Ben Cartwright was still alive, he'd make it home sooner or later. James could decide what to do in the meantime.

The more he thought on Mr. Cartwright and the way he'd escaped, the angrier James got. Why did Mark have to run off like he had? He'd need a tracker and Mark was one of the best. James was sure if he'd still had him, there would have been no need to waste time up in the mountains searching for Cartwright. Oh well, he'd told himself as he pushed his horse towards Carson, for now he best remember to be glad he still had his horse and that Mr. Cartwright and his sons could be dealt with later; that is, if Ben Cartwright was still alive.


	13. Chapter 13

**Forget Me Not **

**Chapter Thirteen**

Adam and his brothers were once again sitting or standing in front of the fireplace. They'd been out searching for two days straight and were now, with another storm heading in, trying to decide what the best course of action was. Adam, who had his head resting in his hands, was rubbing his temples with his thumbs. The stress and sleep he'd lost over the past week was starting to wear on his nerves, and he felt a headache coming on.

"I bet the next storm drops snow instead of rain!" Little Joe hit the arm of the chair he was sitting in and did his best to stop cussing up a storm. He was terrified for his father and his life. His brothers knew it. As they felt the same way, they ignored his language, though Hoss did speak up about how loud Little Joe was beginning to speak.

"Can't you see Adam has…" Hoss didn't get a chance to finish his sentence as the front door open. All three brothers felt lightning shoot through them as they jumped to their feet. They couldn't believe what they were seeing; even if they were more than elated.

"Pa!" Adam, Hoss and Little Joe took a step towards their father only to stop dead in their tracks when Joan stepped behind their father. She would have thought the shocked expression that appeared on their faces was downright hilarious; if she wasn't so nervous.

It was Adam who found his voice first. "Hello, Joan. Welcome back." He gave her a smile, but the look he gave his father was one full of questions and confusion. Neither Ben nor Joan was surprised.

"We need to talk." Ben said as he tossed his hat on the credenza, led Joan to the couch and then sat down on the right side of her. The fact that he put his left arm behind Joan and rested his hand upon her left shoulder, while covering her right hand with his other hand, had all the brothers exchanging wondering looks. If they all needed to talk and their father was holding onto Joan like that, they could all pretty well guess what was coming. If it wasn't for the fact of the kidnapping and the nightmare they'd just been through, they might have said something. As it was, all they could do was look at their father and Joan while they waited for Ben to begin speaking.

Ben took a deep breath and began explaining events from the beginning. The moment he mentioned that it was Joan that had killed Trace in order to save his life, all three sons gasped and jolted backwards just enough for the jerking to be noticeable. Their reaction didn't surprise Ben or Joan; they'd been expecting it, though they got their turn to feel the shockwaves when Adam told them not to worry about Mark.

"Why not?" Ben asked as he frowned slightly. Joan was looking at Adam with the same curious look Ben was.

Adam began explaining exactly where Mark Sanders had been found, what he had said, along with the fact that Mr. Sanders was currently sitting in the jail waiting to be tried for his part in the kidnapping. "No one has seen James Kendall. Whether or not he's still up there looking for you or left we have no idea." He paused and then looked at his father and Joan, as were his brothers. "Is there anything else we need to know?"

For a small moment Ben's memories of the past raced in front of his eyes. He remembered how he'd sworn up and down he looked upon Joan only as a daughter. Only when he felt Joan give his hand a slight squeeze was Ben brought out of his thoughts. There was no other way to break the news to his sons except to simply state the facts. "Joan and I are going to be married." He stated it a bit more bluntly than he intended. That being the case, Ben wasn't shocked all three of his sons' eyes widened in disbelief. However, it was Little Joe who replied to the announcement first.

"But you don't even love her!" He couldn't believe one week could have changed his father's attitude.

Hoss said nothing while Adam had gone from looking shocked to, as Ben thought he would, looking rather skeptical. However, it was because of his father's previous stance not because he, himself, had a problem with Joan's age. In that sense he was like Joe; could one week really make that much difference? Slowly Adam asked, "Just when did you decide this?" He asked keeping his eyes on his father and Joan.

Ben sat even straighter than he had been and held Joan a little bit closer. "First off, I was lying to myself, thus I couldn't be honest with any of you." He looked at Joe, who was looking very much out of sorts. "I have missed her very much and am in love with her as much as any man can be in love." He paused for a moment and then looked at Joan. "We decided a couple days ago, though if James Kendall has not been found and he comes back after we are married…" Ben began to fear for Joan's safety and had second thoughts about marrying her…afraid the Cartwright name may actually bring her harm.

Sensing this, Joan quickly spoke up when Ben lapsed into silence. "Can you, or will you, at least accept the fact that we love each other very much and wish to be married. We cannot control what men like James Kendall do, but we can control our own choices." She was pleased to see her words start to sink in almost instantly on every one of the Cartwright's.

A smile spread over Hoss' face as he chuckled and replied, "You have grown up quite a bit, haven't you?"

"To realize that truth…the fact that we cannot control another person's choice… tells us that much." Adam said, as he looked at Hoss and then back to his father and Joan. He remained skeptical of his father's declaration of love towards such a young woman and worried the 'love' his father felt was more of gratitude for Joan saving his life. Still, who was he to tell his father what to do? If Adam had his way, he would be leaving for Australia soon and, if he were to be honest, it was nice to know his pa had someone he loved, for whatever reason, by his side. "So, when are you planning on being married?" He asked once more.

"As soon as possible," Ben answered as he smiled at Joan, who was blushing at the way he was looking at her in front of his sons. "I was hoping to get one of you to run into town and get the preacher. You all can be the witnesses. We don't want a large wedding; we'll have a party later, just not right away."

After giving his congratulations to his father and Joan, boy was it hard for him to think of her as his stepmother, Hoss headed for the door. He had to go to town anyway. "I'll go get him."

"Joe?" Ben asked once Hoss was out of sight. The young man was still looking very much of out of sorts. He hoped he would not cause a scene.

Causing a scene was something Little Joe thought seriously of doing. Joan might be of age now; still, she was closer to his age than anyone else's! Without thinking he asked, "Can't we just adopt her?"

"Joseph," Ben's voice grew firm as he saw a flash of hurt in Joan's eyes, "I am marrying her, not making her your stepsister."

"Sorry, Pa, sorry Joan," Little Joe glared at Adam who was stifling at laugh at his baby brother's words and the position they put him in. "Well, we can quickly decorate the room before the preacher gets here." He said as he headed for the door.

Joan looked at Ben, "Forget Me Not's grow in the Sierra Mountains. It is too bad we didn't think about it and bring some here. They would have been perfect."

At her words, Adam and Ben both looked at each other. Instantly, an unspoken message was sent. "I'll be right back." Adam said as he flew up the stairs. Joan watched him disappear and then looked at Ben. "Where's he going?" Ben only smiled as he cupped her face with his hands.

By the time Adam appeared with the artificial flower decoration he'd gone after, Ben and Joan were clinging to each other exchanging kisses as they did so. Adam glanced toward the door and shook his head. Hoss and that preacher better hurry.

Warning: Next chapter will contain Adult content.


	14. Mr and Mrs Ben Cartwright

Forget Me Not

Chapter Fourteen

Ben opened his eyes. It took a few moments for him to remember where he was or why he wasn't alone in his bed. As his eyes focused in the darkness of the early morning hours, he couldn't help but smile as he ran his hand over the flesh of Joan's arm which lay across his bare chest. The memory of their lovemaking from the night before ran through his mind once more. It had been so many years since he'd shared his bed with anyone. As he thought about his past, Ben found himself holding Joan just a little bit tighter. James Kendall was still out there someplace. With Joan now bearing his name, Hoss had brought the preacher straight to the house, along with Sheriff Coffee, who insisted on attending the wedding, Ben found himself with a fear that something might happen to her.

Ben was brought out of his thoughts when he felt Joan's hand start to move. He smiled and turned his head. "Hello, sleepy head." The words were barely out of his mouth before he found Joan on her side, her lips upon his mouth and her hand once more wandering over his skin. Ben let out a small moan as her hands continued down his sides.

"Hop Sing will have breakfast ready soon." Ben pulled his head back and did his best to make himself focus upon his words and not on what his bride was once more doing to him. After all, daylight was burning; he really should get going.

"And your point is?" Joan whispered as she purposely moved and rubbed up against her husband. She was a fast learner and Joan was determined to see if she could get her husband's mind off breakfast and onto enjoying more time with her. Joan was more than pleased when she got the reaction she was looking for. Ben stopped talking about breakfast as he let out a loud groan as her lips joined her hands in caressing his bare skin; it wasn't long until Ben gave in and let Joan have her way. Joan smiled and continued her explorations from the night before. Hop Sing and the boys would survive without them for awhile.

Joe, who had risen and dressed before any of his brothers, stopped as he walked down the hallway. For a moment, he was puzzled by the sounds coming from his father's room. However, it didn't take long for him to realize what was going on behind closed doors. A part of him was shocked; however, most of him chastised himself for thinking his father would marry again and, for whatever reason, leave 'that' activity in the closet. He hurried away from his father's door and down the stairs to the breakfast that Hop Sing was just setting on the table; Adam and Hoss soon followed.

An uneasy silence hung around the table as the three Cartwright men ate breakfast. They had a full day ahead of them, and that included their father. They needed to talk to him, but all of them had been able to put the pieces together on their way down to the dining room, and none of them wanted to be the one to be knocking on the Ben's and Joan's door.

Little Joe had his brothers choking on their coffee when he asked very nonchalantly, "Which one of us is going to tell Pa he and Joan need thicker walls, and it wouldn't hurt to get a thicker door too?"

Adam glared at him as he wiped up the coffee that had spilled on the table when his baby brother had spoken. He knew full well the job would be his, unless he wanted one of his brothers to make matters worse. "Don't you worry about it. The two of you eat your breakfast and get to work, remember to keep your eyes open. Who knows, Mr. Kendall could show up any time and cause us more trouble."

Hoss thought about it as he took another bite of the pancakes Hop Sing had put in front of him. "Maybe, the law will get him first, iff'n it's like Roy said. Mr. Kendall's a wanted man now; he done kidnapped Pa, even if he got half the ransom money he was askin'."

As much as Adam hoped that was the case, he couldn't shake the feeling that, sooner or later, James Kendall was going to come back into their lives. He didn't like it; he didn't want it, but he knew what he felt. He also knew that debating the issue with either one of his brothers would only prove to be fruitless. "Maybe," he finally answered after another awkward silence, "time will tell."

The brothers fell into silence as they continued their breakfast. With the adjustment they'd have to make since Ben had married Joan, and the work they had to do for the day; all three men were feeling a bit overloaded. When they heard footsteps on the stairs, Adam, Hoss and Little Joe looked towards the staircase. Ben and Joan started down the stairs.

Hoss smiled at the couple who looked like they were still walking on air, Little Joe, who was still a bit bent out of shape that his father had actually married a woman young enough to be his daughter, smiled to be keep peace in the family; figuring he would adjust to it in time. Adam kept his musings to himself, but prayed his father had made the right decision.

Ben wasn't blind nor was he stupid. He could see the reservations all his sons held toward the marriage. It didn't matter though; none of them had opposed the marriage when the good reverend asked them. Ben pulled Joan's chair out for her, and then sat down f once she was seated.

"Little Joe I need you to repair some of the harnesses in the barn before you do anything else." Ben looked at his youngest, hoping the lad would not argue with him too much. He was relieved when Little Joe nodded and answered in the affirmative.

However, when he began to say he had to go into town before the next storm hit, Hoss spoke up. "I have to go in anyway, Pa. Why not just let me get the items you need?" Okay, so what if it gave his father and Joan more time together? Hoss figured they could use it.

Ben smiled, as did Joan; it would be Hoss to make such an offer. "Thank you, son, I think I'll take you up on that offer." It missed no one that he was glancing at Joan as he answered Hoss. The rest of the meal went smoothly enough; that is, considering his sons were still adjusting to the fact that Ben was indeed once again a married man and a female presided on the Ponderosa.

Once they were finished with their breakfast, Little Joe and Hoss excused themselves, put on their hats, gloves and coats as it had finally snowed in the middle of the night. They had no sooner left, than Adam finished his breakfast and excused himself as he went to work on some contracts. Adam then watched as Joan and Ben cleared the table for Hop Sing and took the dirty dishes into the kitchen. Adam decided he would talk to his father later as he didn't want to embarrass Joan.


	15. Acepptance and Musings

**Forget Me Not **

**Chapter Fifteen**

While James Kendall was kept in the front corner of his mind, Ben didn't let the fear of the man's return interfere with the life he and Joan had together. How could he? Not only would that mean James had already won, but it mean endangering his new marriage. After all, what kind of future could he build with Joan if he constantly reminded her of the one very wicked man that had been after him most likely would be again? Today not worrying about it meant ducking the snowballs his wife, Hoss and his fiancée; the golden hair, blue eyed Miss Samantha Reilly were throwing. His middle son and his gal had made their announcement just that morning.

Ben was actually bundled up in his coat and hat, standing on the porch, simply watching the snowball fight his son and his fiancée had, inadvertently, pulled his wife into. Joan had been standing by his side when one of Hoss' snow balls went wild and hit her. She'd needed no other excuse to join in the fight.

"Hey, watch it!" Adam, who had come out of the house and walked up beside his father, yelled as he too had to duck a wandering snowball.

"Sorry, Adam." Joan laughed as she threw another snowball, this time hitting Samantha in the leg. "I was trying to hit Samantha, not you."

Adam shook head and looked at his father. "How do you plan to keep up with her?" He was grinning as he said it, though his eyes showed the concern that he had; trying to keep up with a younger wife might wear on his father's health. His fears were eliminated and Adam started laughing when his father gave him a short, two word answer.

"I don't." Ben was chuckling as he answered, but glanced up at a deceitful blue sky and then turned his attention to Joan. He and Joan had both known from the start they would have to find a balance when it came to activities. Snowball fights were one of them. With the snowball fights, the agreement was simple. She'd join in his sons and their gal's fights; he'd watch and, afterwards, he would help Joan build a snowman. He didn't care how old he got. As long as he had his health, Ben loved snowmen and would thoroughly enjoy helping on the building of one.

Adam shook his head, laughing along with his father, and then excused himself as he went back into the house. "I just came out to see what the ruckus was all about. I have to finish some paperwork. I should have known better." Ben didn't stop him and continued to watch the fight.

Little Joe was up in the loft and stood in the middle of the hayloft's doorway watching his brother, stepmother and Samantha below. He'd been up most of the night doing his best to reconcile himself to the fact that the woman who he had often thought of as a sister was now his stepmother. How could his father do that? How could he marry someone so young?

Just as he started to get angry over the situation, Little Joe was startled when he found himself chastising himself. '_She's matured; she's a woman now. What do you have against your father being in love and happy?_ He turned away from the door and headed for the ladder. What_ did _he haveagainst it? As he descended the ladder, Little Joe tried to give himself an honest answer. By the time he reached the bottom, he realized he was simply jealous of his father. When would he find a love like that?

Ben saw his youngest son come out of the barn and sighed. Not knowing Little Joe had finally realized why he was having such a hard time with the new marriage, Ben was left still hoping Little Joe would come around in time. With that being the case, Ben was pleasantly surprised when Little Joe picked up a snowball and joined in the fight, even calling his stepmother Miss Joan. It was the way Adam and Hoss had chosen to address their new stepmother.

"You see." Joan laughed as she ran up and wrapped her arms around Ben's waist after the snowball fight was over. "Everything is fine. Now, we make a snowman?"

Maybe if she hadn't moved just right, or if she hadn't brushed her lips across his chin, Ben might have agreed. As it was, he left Little Joe, Hoss and Samantha to speculate when he took Joan by the hand and quickly retreated back into the house, though he got no argument from Joan. She might not have intentionally started anything; still, she wasn't going to argue with her husband either!

**~too~**

Snow! How James Kendall hated snow. He'd been born and raised in Texas and, in spite of all his travels, had never gotten use to "that white stuff". Now he stood near the window of the room he was renting through the winter. He'd considered traveling back to Texas until he'd sat down at a card game in the saloon the night before.

"_Mind if I join you?" James, who had come in the back door in order to avoid the main streets of Carson City, stood next to the four men playing five card stud. Two were young blonde haired wranglers from a ranch five miles out of town; the other two looked to be miners who had only recently gotten off work._

"_Go ahead friend." The oldest of the four, a red haired gentleman, answered as he started dealing the cards._

_James had set down and played; he'd also kept his ears wide open. It was because he was listening and keeping his ears open, instead of doing a lot of talking, that he saw two men; a dark haired Mexican and a brown haired, man who looked to be in his thirties, come in and sit down near where the poker game was taking place. He also heard the men start to talk about the one person he, James, hated most of all; Ben Cartwright._

"_Don't ask me how he caught one so young." The brown haired man said as he picked up his beer, "but he did. Mighty fine looking woman, can't be much over twenty, if that. Hear tell he met her durin' that spell he was missin'. I say he was never missin'. I say he was up there the whole time with her and just doesn't want to admit it."_

James stepped away from the window when he saw the sheriff talking to his deputy; they were looking at posters and were pointing towards the boarding house he was in. He didn't know if they were looking for him or someone else, but he wasn't going to wait. He grabbed a few items and started planning what do next. If Ben Cartwright was alive and remarried to a young filly, then he was getting pleasures James Kendall figured he didn't deserve 'at his age'. Besides that, there was still the matter of the money Mr. Cartwright owed him or, James thought, should he just kill the old man? He took his mind off Ben Cartwright, long enough to decide how to get out of Carson City without being caught by the sheriff and where to go while he made his plans.


	16. Chapter 16

**Forget Me Not **

**Chapter Sixteen**

Joan stood on a chair hanging some of the decorated bulbs on the Christmas tree. She could hear Little Joe singing a few carols outside the house, though she could not tell the exact words. He had left saying he would do some outside chores before going over to see how a friend of his was doing, the man had had an accident while working on his small farm and Joe had promised to check on him. As she put the last of the bulbs on the tree, Ben descended down the stairs and walked over to the tree.

Ben was amazed. The boys had just put the tree there that morning before they had to run off to do their chores. He didn't think Joan would have the tree halfway decorated in the short amount of time she'd had since breakfast. "This is going to be the best Christmas I've had in a long time." Ben said as he helped Joan down off the chair, pulling her to him as he did so. Though, silently, he added the words "I hope."

Truth was, he still had James in the corner of his mind. He still remembered the look the man had given him when Mark had pulled him off Buck. Ben was surprised Mr. Kendall had ordered Mark to simply keep their prisoner secured to one place instead of taking his life. With all the remembering, Ben simply wanted to forget. He had Joan and he had his sons, plus a daughter in law would soon be added. Ben did not wish to allow James Kendall to invade his thoughts; so he pushed him aside once again.

Joan blushed when Ben implied it was going to be his best Christmas because he had her by his side, yet she was smiling from ear to ear as she rested her head against his chest and wrapped her arms around his waist. "I agree it will be a great Christmas." 'My first real Christmas' she added only to herself. Having been raised with the Paiutes and then traveling like she had, Joan had never had a "real" Christmas before.

Ben looked around the room, a few decorations had been put up and more were sitting on the table waiting to be put in their places throughout the house. He sighed as he kissed the top of Joan's head. "I think we best stop standing around." He stepped reluctantly way from his wife and picked up the wreath that set on the couch. "I think it's time to get the rest of these decorations put up. Remember, we're having a party tonight." They'd invited all their friends over to have a Christmas dinner and games with them. It was an annual event and most everyone had promised to make it out to the Cartwright's home, especially since the occasion was also doubling as the wedding reception Ben and Joan "should have had" two months earlier.

"It's going to be a grand party!" Joan exclaimed as she gave Ben yet another hug after he'd hung up the wreath, only this time she held on tight. Like Ben, she still had Mr. Kendall in the back of her thoughts. It was hard not to when Sheriff Coffee had come out to the house the day before and told them that Mark had been sent to prison for five years, and then asked if they'd heard from Mr. Kendall in any form.

Sensing what his wife was feeling, Ben kissed the side of her forehead and assured her he and the boys, all right they were full grown men, would keep their eyes and ears open. "Only let's not let that man ruin this moment in time, all right?" He asked as he finished talking.

Joan nodded slowly. She knew her husband was right; they didn't have to let a man who wasn't even around spoil things for them. With that thought, along with the fact that her stepsons were all out of the house and the desire she had to be totally distracted from life in general, if only for a small moment in time, Joan stood up on her toes and whispered as she pressed her lips to the side of Ben's neck and whispered, "All right, though it might help if something else occupied my mind."

Remembering the conversation he'd had with Adam the night before Ben's response to his wife very blatant suggestion was immediate as no one but he and Joan here home. The decorations would wait. He scooped Joan up in his arms. He heard his wife let out a giggle as he headed for the stairs, which only served to hasten his steps.

**~oOo~**

"We should tell pa," Hoss stood on a path that ran through the Ponderosa next to Adam, who looking down at fresh horse tracks and at the golden watch that he had found on the road. If it weren't for the writing on the watch, Hoss would not have had cause to worry. As it was, the moment both he and Adam read the words "To my beloved son, James Kendall" both men were on high alert.

"If he doesn't already know," Adam answered as he found fear for his father and stepmother's safety grip his heart. He mounted Sport. "Let's get home now!" He had Sport moving at a fast gallop by the time he finished speaking, Hoss was right behind him and unaware they were being watched.

As Adam and Hoss pressed for home, James was cursing loudly. He noticed his watch was gone and, due to not wanting any evidence to be lying around that would tell anyone he was around, had turned around try to find it. The moment he'd seen Adam and Hoss looking at the watch and mounting their horses, James knew he'd have to pull back and wait a while longer before making his presence know to his former employer. After all, he meant to catch Ben Cartwright by total surprise.

James would have given up long ago, once it was clear that collecting the second half of his money and acting revenge on Cartwright was again going to be delayed, but he had to face facts. He had very little money and nowhere to go where he could make a large amount without being in danger of being discovered. He was a wanted man. He'd heard of Marks imprisonment and he did not intend to end up in the same place.

Reluctantly, James turned his horse around and rode back towards the outskirts of Carson City and to the cabin he felt he had no choice but to spend the winter. Afterwards, he'd deal with Ben Cartwright and then leave the area collecting what money he could. He would then head to Arizona where he was certain he could adopt a new identity and new life.


	17. Chapter 17

**Forget Me Not **

**A/N The words in italics come straight from the episode "Love Me Not"**

**Chapter Seventeen**

Ben stood next to the living room window and watched as Hoss and Samantha played horseshoes with Little Joe and the young woman he'd started courting, one brown haired, brown eyed beauty by the name of Helen Pierce. Actually, he was seeing them, but not actually watching them. His mind kept going back to the fact that James Kendall had been on their land, and Ben couldn't figure why the man hadn't made a move. Only when he heard footsteps behind him did Ben turn around. A smile spread across his face as Joan walked up beside him.

"You need to stop worrying about that man." Joan took a hold of her husband's hands. "It's been three and a half months. Christmas was wonderful, and spring is just around the corner." Joan couldn't help but beam as she thought on her favorite time of the year. "We need to live in today and be happy for what we have or," she paused as her eyes started twinkling just like a child who has a secret they're eager to share and then said, "what we will have."

What they would have? Ben was confused. They had all they needed. Hoss was due to get married the following month; Adam had just asked his gal, a young widow with two children by the name of Alyson Walls to marry him and move to Australia with him, and Little Joe was at least courting a woman with a good head on her shoulder. Only when Joan lifted his hands and rested them on her abdomen did Ben catch on.

"_I already have sons." "I shall give you more..." _

The forgotten words spoken in his living room well over a year ago rang once more in his ears. At the time they had been spoken by a child; now that child was a woman and his wife. His eyes widened in shock and his jaw fell to the floor as he took a hold of her upper arms and stammered, "A b..baby? You're g-going to have a b...baby?"

Joan started grinning wider and nodded. "You're going to be a father again!" She wasn't surprised when Ben picked her up and swung her around in a circle before setting her down upon her feet once more, pulling her to him as he did so.

"We're going to have a baby." Ben repeated the words only this time softer and with love in his voice. He could hardly believe it.

His sons and Samantha, who were standing outside, could hear enough through the slightly opened window to know what was going on looked at each other. A mixture of amusement and shock was on their faces. Though, they didn't know why; really it shouldn't have come as such a surprise. Soon after Adam's talk with his father, Ben had replaced his door with a thicker one and the couple had slipped away from the rest of the family on more than once occasion.

"Wonder if you'll get another brother or, maybe, just maybe, you'll get a sister this time." Samantha laughed as she took a hold of Hoss' arm. It was funny to think of the man she was going to be marrying having a brother or a sister that was young enough to belong to them. That thought was one that was shared by all the Cartwright men.

Joe and Helen excused themselves and went inside figuring to congratulate his father, after they teased him first. "What do you think we'll get?" Hoss asked Adam, after throwing out one name after another that his father and Miss Joan could use for either a boy or girl. Only when he asked the question did he realize his older brother wasn't listening. No, he stood gazing off into the distance at nothing particular.

Call it intuition or brotherly love, but Hoss seemed to know what was bothering their brother. He took a step towards Adam and asked, "It's Kendall, isn't it? You're afraid he's going to show up here sooner or later and do something bad aren't you?" Truth was, Hoss was afraid of it too. He just hadn't said anything before as he'd hoped the feelings he'd been getting on and off would go away and stay away.

Adam didn't answer right away. His mind was on the past and the luck his father had had with all his wives. He wanted desperately for the pattern of the past to be broken and for his father to have help in raising that child with help, or for Joan to have the help. After all, with Mr. Kendall hating their father, Adam knew Joan was just at much risk of being left a widow as his father was a widower. "I don't think so… I'm sure of it; he'll make a move." He answered as he headed for the front door. "I just don't know when." However, before he could even get close to the door, Ben opened it and stepped outside.

The smile he'd been sporting disappeared, as he saw the serious looks upon his sons' face. Because Little Joe and Helen had just razzed and then congratulated him and Joan, Ben knew his other sons had overheard also. He couldn't help but wonder if they were upset about the news or what the deal was. "Are you two all right?"

Adam, who thought he'd heard a noise in the barn, didn't answer at first. However, when he heard nothing else, he answered, "I don't know about Hoss, but I'm all right."

Hoss, not wanting his father to think he had a problem, quickly spoke up, "I'm fine, Pa, really. Reckon it's just I never expected to hear someone was gonna kick Little Joe out of his place in the family. You know, after a while, he won't be the youngest." Hoss couldn't help but laugh as he made the comment. It was sure going to be fun teasing his younger brother about that.

Ben chuckled as he looked at Adam, who was fighting to hide his own grin. Adam hurried and excused himself saying he had to finish some paper work. The work was going to have wait though. Before Adam had a chance to reach the door, a shot rang out causing him to whirl around faster than he ever thought possible.


	18. The Chase and Thank You

**Forget Me Not **

**A/N Since I never saw the back of the Cartwright's barn; it has a back door in this chapter.**

**Chapter Eighteen**

Adam stood in the doorway of his father's bedroom. The man lay with his eyes closed; his upper half was bare except for the bandages the doctor had wrapped around his midsection. Joan was, in spite of the doctor's protests, curled up next to her husband; she lay on his uninjured side. Her right hand lay gently on Ben's chest, her eyes still moist with tears. If Adam and his brothers did not fear upsetting their stepmother more, thus causing her to lose the child she carried, they might have thrown up their protests also. As it was, Adam had come up to check on his father and Joan. Now his mind wandered over the past twelve hours.

_Adam ran to where Hoss was kneeling over their father who had been shot. Little Joe, who had heard the shot, was right behind Adam. "Who shot him!" Little Joe demanded to know as Adam stood up and looked towards the barn._

_ "Get Pa in the house!" Adam yelled over his shoulder as he ran towards the barn. One look at his father and where he'd been shot, the building was the only place the shot could have come from. As he entered, he saw the back door was open. Wasting no time, he ran to the opening. He wasn't surprised to see James Kendall riding his horse away from the barn. Turning around he raced to get Sport. It was one time the lessons he'd received from a Paiute friend, when it came to riding bareback, was going to come in handy. After all, taking time to saddle Sport would waste precious time. Adam quickly put a head collar and bit on Sport and led him out of his stall; soon he was on his horse and tearing out of the barn and pushing Sport to catch up with Mr. Kendall._

_ James, who had tied his horse up outside the barn, had felt sure all three sons would be too busy with their father to follow him, was much dismayed to realize one of them was behind him. Because he was closing up on him, James turned the best he could and fired his pistol. He missed and tried again. Again, he missed. He tried a third time only to miss again. James cursed, as now he was out of bullets and his spare ones were in his saddlebag. He had to lose Cartwright long enough to reload his pistol._

_ Losing James Kendall was not something Adam had any intention of doing. Determined he pushed Sport onward and soon, much to Mr. Kendall's dismay was right onto of him and breathing down his neck._

_ When Adam reached over and pulled Kendall off his horse, James let out a string of cuss words. As Adam turned Sport around, James scrambled to his feet and ran for a nearby ravine, intending to slide down it and then run up the other side. He never made it as Adam flew off his horse and tackled him to the ground._

_ James came up swinging only to have Adam duck, and then come back up and hit his jaw with a hard right hook. It knocked James to the ground. Adam again pounced on Mr. Kendall. More than once James escaped his grasp, more than once he knocked Adam to the ground, but Mr. Kendall lost the fight when he stepped backwards and stumbled over a rock. Before Adam could stop him, James Kendall was falling down the ravine. By the time the rocks at the bottom stopped his movement, Mr. Kendall was dead._

_ Adam wasted no time in throwing the man over the back of Sport and taking him into Roy. He'd spent as little time as possible in the lawman's office and took off the moment Sheriff Coffee said he could go. Adam had mounted Sport and raced home. When he got there, Dr. Martin, who had been raced out to the ranch after Hoss had sent for him, was up in Ben's room removing the bullet. Afterwards, Joan had refused to do anything but stay by her husband's side._

Joan opened her eyes and, seeing Adam in the doorway, did her best to smile. "He's going to live. You just wait and see." Her eyes pleaded for him to reassure her she was right. It tore at Adam; how he wanted to assure her that would indeed be the case. Heaven knew he wanted more than anything for it to be the case. His father was definitely still needed on this side of life.

"I'm sure he will." Adam did his best to smile as he walked over to the bed. He chose his next words carefully. Once again, he didn't want to upset Joan anymore than she was. "Hop Sing has lunch ready. He's gone to a lot of trouble to fix something healthy for you. I can sit with Pa while you go and eat."

Joan didn't feel like eating. All she wanted to do was stay by her husband's side. Still, she knew the child she carried was depending on her to do what she could to eat right and take care of herself. She sighed as she sat up on the edge of the bed. For the sake of her and Ben's unborn child, she was going to have to take Adam up on his offer. Besides, she knew all the boys had the right to watch over him as well.

"All right," she answered as she stood up and looked at Adam, "but you promise me within an inch of your life, if he wakes up to come and get me. I don't care if I'm not done." By the time she was finished talking, Joan was standing next to Adam. She reached up and took a hold of Adam's upper arm. "Thank you for everything."

From the way Joan looked at the cuts on his cheeks, cuts he'd gotten from the fight with Kendall before the man fell to his death, Adam knew his stepmother was thanking him for informing her she didn't have to worry about James Kendall coming back ever again. "You're welcome." Adam gave her a gentle small smile as she let go of his arm and left the room. He then went and sat down next to his father; he had a feeling it was going to be a long night.


	19. Chapter 19

**Forget Me Not **

**Chapter Nineteen**

The sun sent its golden rays of sunshine into Ben's room and danced upon his face. It was as if it was asking why he was staying in bed instead of being up and about working on the ranch or at his desk. Slowly the light made it underneath Ben's eyelids and pried them open, though it took a lot of effort. Ben took a moment to realize where he was. He stiffened slightly and let out a soft groan. It took a few more seconds to for him to recall hearing a shot ring out and then him falling to the ground. Ben slowly turned his head and found his heart bursting; Joan was curled up next to him. How long had he been out? How long had she been by his side? He turned his head to also see Adam not four feet from his bed. Adam had hurried into the room when he heard his father groaning.

Adam felt like a ton of lumber had been lifted off his shoulders upon seeing his father wake up. Then, because of the confused look upon his father's face when he looked at Joan by his side, Adam smiled and said, "For the most part, she's been there ever since the doctor left. She didn't want you to wake up and think the worst." He paused and then added softly, "I never realized just how deeply in love she was with you until now. I'm sorry for any reservations I held onto longer than I should have."

Ben smiled at his oldest, as he thought on the silent struggle he'd known Adam had with truly accepting this marriage. He could hardly blame his oldest. It had been quite the adjustment for everyone; especially with the way Joan had gone through the house redecorating. Sometimes they thought they lived in more of a flower garden than anything, especially when it came to 'Forget Me Not's'. They were her favorite, probably because in folklore and in legend those kinds of flowers were *_worn by ladies as a sign of faithfulness and enduring love._

"Don't worry about it, son. I didn't expect the marriage to be accepted without any reservations." Ben answered as he moved his arm and wrapped it around his wife. It felt so good to wake up to find her by his side, as it felt as if someone had taken an extra blanket and wrapped it around him just to make sure he knew all would be well. The movement cause his wife to stir and then to open her eyes.

"Benjamin! You're awake!" Joan cried out as her heart skipped a beat; she quickly sat up. After a week of watching over him praying for him and hoping like crazy she wouldn't find herself a widow, Joan was as excited as a child at Christmas time. It could be heard in her voice and in her eyes as they danced. Though, for the life of her, she couldn't stop tears from escaping from her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. She was that happy.

Ben raised his hand and wiped the tears that began flowing down her face, tears of pure joy and happiness. He'd never been so happy to see her face before. The look in his eyes told her that much as he smiled up at her. "Yeah, I am." He then put his hand upon her shoulder and pulled her back down by him. It was an action she did not even think of fighting. Why should she?

"I'll tell Hoss and Little Joe you're going to be fine, though I doubt Dr. Martin will allow you to run any foot races for awhile." Adam was smiling so wide, that Ben was sure the smile could stretch from California to New York. He chuckled at the thought when Adam gave them another of his famous smiles as he left.

Joan ran her hand across Ben's chin and scolded him. "It's not nice to scare us like that." Of course, there wasn't a trace of annoyance in her voice. It just felt good to be able to still tease her husband. Naturally, Ben took it all in stride.

"I guess I thought we didn't have enough excitement in our lives." He answered as he held his wife tight with one arm while slowing lifting his other one and moving it just enough to touch her abdomen. "Of course, soon enough, we'll have plenty to keep us busy without this kind of drama."

"Our son will keep us busy." Joan smiled from ear to ear as she placed her hand over his.

Ben chuckled as he closed his eyes, "What if it's a girl?"

**Epilogue**

Ben sat in a chair on the porch, a cane rested against the chair. The bullet he'd taken had done some damage to his nerves and, like it or not, he needed the cane to walk. Though, in the months he'd had it, his nerves were actually amazing the doctor and had started healing themselves. The doctor said that if things kept going the way they were that Ben would, most likely, be able to get rid of it within the year. He didn't mind. He was too busy watching Hoss dance with his bride while Adam and Little Joe danced with their gals.

When he heard an infant cry, Ben turned his head and smiled even wider. Joan sat next to him holding their daughter, Joanna Faith Cartwright, in her arms. The infant had been born a month early and had spent the first month fighting to just survive. Now she was three months old and no one who didn't know her history wouldn't have known there had ever been a problem. When she fussed again, Joan stood up and smiled at Ben. "I think I best take our daughter into the house." She would have leaned over and kissed her husband only she wasn't about to with as much as company as they had.

Ben smiled. "Okay, I'll be in after awhile." He watched his wife walk away and then disappear into the house. Life was good, and he was fine.

.

*** wiki/Forget-me-not**


End file.
